Lives Unlived

We make decisions every day that contribute to our individual identities. Big or small, those choices may ultimately reroute your life’s path.

I recently finished reading The Midnight Library by Matt Haig. The main character, Nora Seed, finds herself caught between life and death in a place called the Midnight Library. Surrounding her are shelves full of books, each one containing a different life she could have lived. Nora sees how her life could have played out if she achieved her dreams of being in a band or becoming a glaciologist, but she also sees how smaller decisions could have rerouted her life’s course. After seeing how easily her decisions could have greatly altered her life, Nora gains a clear understanding of what will truly make her life worth living.

The Midnight Library got me thinking about my life and the choices that have led me to where and who I am today. My decisions have shaped me, but so have decisions that were made for me. Things that are out of my control have contributed just as much to my past, present, and future. Naturally, I started thinking about what kind of lives would be described in the books of my own Midnight Library. Although there’s no way to know how many variations of my life exist, there are five defining decisions that immediately come to mind that have greatly shaped my life.

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During my senior year of high school, I decided to attend UNC Charlotte over UNC Wilmington for college. Whereas Wilmington is close to the beach, Charlotte is a big city. Going to Charlotte solidified that I am a major city person. In retrospect, living in Charlotte made more sense for me because I honestly sunburn way too easy to live anywhere near the beach. But a big deciding factor to attend UNCC was so that I could double major in English and Dance. Would I have quit dance after high school if I went to school in Wilmington?

Dance was a big part of my upbringing and education. Not only did I take dance classes in styles like ballet and modern for over a decade, but I also went to college for it and earned a B.A. degree in Dance. I’m an introverted person and dance became a creative outlet for me to express myself while staying active, but what if it wasn’t? If I never asked my mom to sign me up for dance classes, would I have realized my love for writing sooner?

I have lived in North Carolina my whole life, but both of my parents are from New York. An old job my dad had before my sister and I were born brought him and my mom down to the City of Oaks, but what would my life be like if I grew up in Long Island? I never would have met any of my friends or my boyfriend, but I would be closer with my family that lives so many states away from me. Long Island has a lot of strip malls and isn’t necessarily the most entrancing place to roam, but it’s definitely closer to my dream city (New York City) than Raleigh is. Would I still be infatuated with NYC if I grew up having more access to it?

I’m the youngest of two siblings. My sister is three years older than me, and my mom has mentioned that she and my dad thought about having a third child. I could have been Jan Brady, but brunette and not in the 1970s. How would being a middle child have impacted my upbringing?

When I was still in high school, one of my friends told me that I should look into being an editor and work with books because I enjoyed reading them so much. After I researched the specifics of editorial positions and decided that I actually did want to pursue that role, I planned to go to college for English. How naturally drawn to editing would I have been if my friend didn't make that suggestion?

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There are so many ways my life could have gone, and there are even more ways that it could end up going. Just because actions have consequences, that doesn’t mean we should dwell for hours on the choices we make; instead, we should be confident in what we choose to do and make the most of our decisions (regardless of how corny that sounds). While we’re on this planet, we should strive to be kind to ourselves and others as we figure our way through this thing called life. The Midnight Library reminded me how that’s the way I should live my life, and I hope you choose to live like that, too.